Reduce Stress: 3 Simple Steps to Train Your Brain

Most of the stress and frustration we experience in life is caused by our thinking. We get stuck in a cycle that we can’t see and is difficult to escape. However, by learning to train your brain to think differently, you can reduce stress and improve your ability to make better decisions, leading to more contentment and satisfaction.

The Hidden Cause of Stress

Many of us live according to an internal set of expectations—a mental checklist of how life, people, and situations should be. This unseen script influences how we judge ourselves and others. You may find yourself thinking:

  • “I wish she would have…”
  • “It could have been so much better if…”
  • “Good job, but you should have…”
  • “If only I had…”

These thoughts reflect an ingrained pattern of thinking that places undue pressure on us and fosters dissatisfaction. When our expectations are too high or unrealistic, we set ourselves up for stress and disappointment. Instead of living in the moment, we dwell on how things should be rather than accepting them as they are.

According to Harvey Schoof, Co-Founder of Axiogenics, “Based on the study of axiology, we know that over 90% of people place too much emphasis on this list and their perceptions of how everyone and everything in their world should work.” He explains that while some people are only slightly out of balance, the vast majority experience significant inner conflict and suffering due to their rigid expectations.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Reduce Stress in 3 Steps

The good news is that you can change your thinking habits. You are in charge of your mental checklist, and these three simple steps can help you take control of your thoughts and reduce stress.

1. Become Aware

Awareness is the first step to change. Begin by paying attention to the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” thoughts that pop into your mind. Notice the words you use when you talk to yourself. Are they kind and supportive, or are they critical and filled with regret? This will take practice, but simply observing your thought patterns is a powerful first step.

Start by:

  • Noting when you feel stressed and tracing it back to a thought or expectation.
  • Listening to your internal dialogue throughout the day.
  • Writing down recurring thoughts to recognize patterns.

2. Pay Attention to Your Daily Thoughts

Your dominant thoughts shape your emotions and actions. The thoughts you wake up with, the ones that pop into quiet moments, and those that occupy your mind before sleep all play a role in how you experience life.

Ask yourself:

  • What is the first thought I have in the morning?
  • What thoughts dominate my mind during stressful moments?
  • Do I tend to focus on what went wrong instead of what went right?

The goal is not to eliminate all negative thoughts but to shift your focus toward more productive and positive perspectives.

3. See It and Say It

Instead of letting negative thoughts take control, make a conscious choice to seek the good in every situation and acknowledge it. The brain is wired to notice what we repeatedly focus on, so deliberately recognizing the positive can train your brain to adopt a healthier mindset.

Practical ways to do this:

  • Find the good: Challenge yourself to identify something positive in every situation. Look for the “silver lining”.
  • Speak the good: Compliment a friend or stranger, thank someone for a small act of kindness, or simply express appreciation for something you notice.
  • Reframe negativity: Instead of thinking, “I have so much to do,” shift to “What kind of GOOD can I create today?”

Practice Makes Progress

Reducing stress isn’t about quick fixes or instant results. Like any skill, training your brain to think differently requires consistent effort. At first, you may catch yourself slipping into old thought patterns, but don’t be discouraged. Every time you become aware and make a small shift, you’re strengthening a new habit.

With time, your brain will begin to default to healthier, more constructive thinking. Negative self-talk will decrease, and your overall stress levels will drop.

By applying these three steps—awareness, attention, and action—you can take control of your thoughts, improve decision-making, and ultimately reduce stress in your daily life.

What step will you start with today?

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Kristin Clark is an Axiogenics LLC Partner and Certified Axiogenics Coach. She’s the owner of Insight Coaching and co-author of Living a Richer Life; It’s All in Your Head which she proudly wrote with her dad. She’s coached hundreds of people from various backgrounds, beliefs, industries, and professions. Kristin trains and coaches owners, executives, and business leaders seeking to become Valuegenic Self-Leaders.  Kristin can help you master your A-Game to elevate your leadership, engage your team, enhance your performance, embrace your relationships, and enrich your life.