You Don’t Need the Perfect Words #

Seeing someone for the first time after a profound loss can feel awkward. You may wonder: Should I mention it? What if they do not want to talk about it? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I make them cry?

From the grieving person’s side, the questions may be different: Do they know? Do I have to explain what happened? Are we going to pretend this enormous thing is not here?

You do not need the perfect words. They do not exist. Even saying, “There really are no words” is okay. You can also say, “It’s so good to see you,” “I’m glad you’re here,” “You’ve been in my thoughts,” “I’m here for you,” or simply, “You’re not alone.”

Presence Is Part of Emotional Intelligence #

Do not let uncertainty keep you from saying something. Emotional intelligence is not always knowing exactly what to say. Sometimes it is being willing to tolerate the discomfort, notice another human being, and stay present anyway.

You cannot fix grief, and supporting someone does not mean making them feel better. Do not rush them toward gratitude, positivity, or getting “back to normal.” In the moment, there may be no silver lining.

Listen to the story you have heard before. Say the name of the person they love. Remember an important date. Reach out again. Compassion can be much quieter than advice.