Defensiveness Shuts Down Trust #

If feedback triggers explanations, excuses, or counterattacks, that’s B-Game self-protection at work. Over time, people stop offering input—and performance plateaus.

Pause, Then Get Curious #

• Use a buffer phrase: “Thanks for raising your concern…can you tell me more about that?” or “Thanks for sharing your concern, what did you notice specifically?”
• Separate intent from impact: You may have meant well; the impact still matters.
• Reflect back: “So the missed update created havoc for Support—got it.”

Repair Fast #

Offer a concise fix and follow-through: “I’ll post daily status by 4 p.m. and confirm handoffs.” Then do it consistently.

Seven-Day Mini-Experiment #

Track three moments you felt defensive. Note the trigger, your A-Game response, and the outcome. You’ll see conversations shift quickly.

Bottom Line #

Curiosity beats defensiveness. Listening creates the greatest net value—better relationships, better decisions, better results.