Healing Does Not Mean Feeling Okay #
Peace and healing after loss can look very different from what we imagine.
Healing may take longer than you expect. As a griever, friend or colleague, this is a process unlike most you’ve experienced before. If the loss is significant, it may be something you learn to carry with you always.
Healing also does not mean feeling okay, being strong all the time, finding immediate meaning, or returning to the person you were before the loss. Grief can change your perspective on what’s important. Some things may feel much more important, and others not important at all. A griever may be recalibrating who they are in relation to the rest of the world.
Healing is different—maybe quieter than you’d think. Sadness and tears may come unexpectedly. They may be momentary or last for hours or even days. At first, each time you hear a special song or see a favorite picture, you may cry or feel sad. But there may come a day when you hear that same song or see that same picture and smile. Not all the time. But gradually, the heaviness may begin to feel a bit lighter.
Healing is different for everyone. It can include seeing a grief therapist, joining a support group, reading or listening to books, following rituals, looking at pictures, telling stories, saying the person’s name out loud, and choosing presence over avoidance.
It can also include distraction and ordinary life: watching a good series, traveling, being with friends, going to the movies, walking, reading, napping, cooking, or sitting quietly. Remember that making new memories does not replace old ones.
Resilience Doesn’t Mean Leaving Grief Behind #
Resilience is often described as the ability to bounce back, but profound loss changes us. Grief and joy can exist together. You can desperately miss someone and still laugh with a friend. You can cry and still have a productive day. You can experience genuine happiness without betraying the person you lost.
Peace and healing are not the absence of pain.
Peace and healing come as we learn to keep living with a hole in our hearts. Resilience, then, can mean learning how to carry what has happened while continuing to participate in life—and staying grounded enough to show up for the moments that still matter.
